The Weight of Resolutions
Letting go of the burden that comes from trying to fit into a one-size-fits-all culture can be a liberating experience.
As we round the corner of the first month of the year, you may hear an internal (or external) voice asking: “How did your New Year’s resolutions go?” It’s a question that feels like a judgment to many of us. Over the years, I have noticed how our resolutions tend to relate to something deeply personal, manifesting as dreams to overcome an insecurity or two. (I cannot tell you how many of my resolutions were about ‘reading more’ until I learned that I was dyslexic and chose to wrestle with self-acceptance rather than pushing and punishing myself.) Maybe the freshness of the New Year will give us just what we need to leave the things we do not like about ourselves in the past. Resolutions to change how our bodies appear and the space our bodies occupy can be particularly tempting. So if you vowed to gain better “control” of your eating or start to “burn” something off after the new year, please keep reading - this post is for you.
First, I want to thoroughly acknowledge: aiming to lose weight is a bold choice - because losing weight is hard. So good for you for dreaming big! But a conversation about intentional weight loss is incomplete without recognition of the diet culture we all live in. We admire thin bodies, making it so tempting to try one more diet or intense workout program so that we too can live with thin privilege. It’s alluring to believe we can demonstrate our self-discipline and success by showing up in the spring with the body we dreamt of as we set our resolutions.
You may wonder if I will present you with data about how diets fail most people or if I might outline the principles of Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size; I won’t. I don’t need to because you have lived this story before. You know the battle of fighting with your body’s biology. You know the anguish and shame of not being “enough” to make it happen this time. You know the pain of falling short of your plan. Again. You have tried to make yourself small physically. And when that didn’t work, you’ve tried to make yourself small in whatever other ways you could imagine.
Instead of presenting you with arguments and data about what you should or shouldn’t do, I am here to tell you: I’m sorry the world is against you. I’m sorry the idea that thin people are inherently better than fat people was able to tear down your self-worth and self-esteem. My heart aches for all who continue to experience weight stigma and blame themselves for this discrimination. I feel deep compassion for people who continue to fight against their own biology that has refused to let them down, over generations and through their own lives.
I have come to believe that rejecting the parts of ourselves that we do not like is not healing. This is perfectionism that keeps you prisoner to shame. Healing must include allowing the dark parts of ourselves to be loved, even the parts of us we have resolved to lose.
My hope for you is that, when you notice that resolution didn’t stick, that instead of resorting to self-hatred and hopelessness, you turn towards compassion for your own suffering in this body. I hope you choose the grief that comes with accepting our bodies as different from the images presented to us. I hope that grief leads you to the peace that comes from trusting the deep wisdom and integration in your own body. I hope that in the dark winter months of the New Year, that rather than heavy harshness, you find forgiveness that lightens your load.
